Akatsuki Thanksgiving Dinner
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Deidara's mother has invited Akatsuki to fabulous, beautiful Iwagakure for Thanksgiving dinner. Finally, Akatsuki begins to understand why Deidara is the way he is. Rated for language. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Deidara's Mom

Akatsuki Thanksgiving

This is the second story in my Akatsuki holiday series. Get ready for Thanksgiving Akatsuki style! Enjoy! Much Love, AkiraDawn

I don't own Naruto or any of its characters

By the way, I would suggest consulting the Brooklyn Translation Guide at the bottom of the page when you get to the part where you meet Deidara's mother. You may have trouble following her at first

Some Background…

Two weeks before Thanksgiving Deidara's mother while in conversation with her beloved son, invited the Akatsuki gang to Deidara's childhood home in Iwagakure for a lovely Thanksgiving dinner. Akatsuki would finally learn more about Deidara and his family…and why Deidara was the way he was.

"Oh my god! I can't wait, yeah! We're going to be at my house soon and you get to meet my mom, yeah! And you will even get to meet my dad, yeah!" Deidara was so excited about going home for Thanksgiving. Everyone was a little nervous about meeting Deidara's family except Sasori who had already met Deidara's mother and Itachi who had met Deidara's mother. And what made everyone else even more nervous was the fact that they were now in Iwagakure: The Miami Beach of the ninja countries, where everyone was beautiful, thin, fabulously built, and filthy rich.

"Deidara why didn't you warn us that everyone here in Iwagakure would lower our self esteems drastically?" Kisame asked.

"What do you mean Kisame, yeah?"

"Nevermind…just tell us when we're at your house." Kisame was suddenly self conscious. The shuttle bus everyone was on came to a halt.

"Come on this is our stop, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed and hurried toward the front of the bus. Everyone else filed off behind him. Kakuzu was completely freaking out because he didn't do well around attractive people…and right now he was surrounded by them. After a brief walk, they had approached Deidara's childhood home. Music was blasting from the inside, it sounded like the Bay City Roller's Classic 1970's hit "Hot Child in the City"…and it was. Deidara banged on the door. Dana answered it.

"Oh my god, you're like so here, yeah! Happy Thanksgiving baby brother, yeah!" And Deidara and Dana were now having their brother/sister hugging moment. Everyone poured into the Stone country residence although the Bay City Rollers was still blaring.

"MOM! MOM DEIDARA'S HERE, YEAH! TURN THAT DOWN, YEAH!" Deidara's mother spun around and turned the music down. Kisame's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Kakuzu turned as white as a sheet. Deidara's mother was wearing a very short skirt with 4 inch high heels, an apron over the skirt and brilliantly low cut loose fitting blouse with dangly, trendy bead necklaces that hung nearly as low as the blouse was cut…she was the most beautiful mother there ever was and not a day over 40. Not to mention she too was a natural blonde.

"Deidara! Baby! Aaaww, my baby boy, yeah." She hugged Deidara. "I'm so glad yuh little friends could come with yuh. Make yuh-selves at home boys, I'll have dinnuh ready here in a bit, yeah. Oh! Deidara yuh fahthuh is comin' in on the next flight he can get from Milano, yeah." Deidara's mother had a very thick East Brooklyn accent.

"Milano?" Zetsu asked Sasori. "As in Milano Italy?"

"Dude, you didn't know? Deidara's father is Italian, and this lovely lady you see before you, she's from Brooklyn, New York." Sasori had a thing for Deidara's mother, maybe because Deidara's mother's favorite movie was "Breakfast at Tiffany's" or maybe it was because Deidara's mother was well…let's just say that everytime Sasori was around Deidara's mother he always sang the song 'Stacey's Mom' only he changed some of the words.

No one had seemed to notice that Itachi had pulled Dana into a pretty hot kiss on the couch, well no one noticed until Deidara's mother, who's name is Diana, needed her daughter.

"Dana, baby, come help yuh muhthuh with this damn turkey, yeah." Diana had a huge turkey to take out of the oven. Kakuzu had passed out on the floor because he was surrounded by too many beautiful people.

"Hey Dana, you're not wearing much in this picture." Kisame said, noticing a framed photo of a womanly form wrapped only in a scarf.

"Oh Kisame, that's so not me, that's mom when she was like 18, yeah." Dana answered. Yes, Deidara's mother had been and still was….a model. Kisame swallowed hard, he wasn't expecting that answer.

"Mrs. Deidara's mom….if you don't mind me asking….how old were you when you had your children?" Kisame asked. The turkey was flopped onto the kitchen table.

"Oh! Yeah, you muthafuckuh turkey, that'll teach yuh to mess with Diana and her baby girl, yeah! Oh, sorry Kisame, it's just that the turkey was bein' a reguluh bitch, yeah. Let's see I met Deidara's fahthuh Dominik when I was 17….I had Dana when I was 18 and Deidara when I was 20." She answered quickly searching for a pack of cigarettes.

"I'm sorry boys, I don't typically smoke but that turkey has stressed me the hell out all morning, yeah….Hey….why's yuh little friend passed out on the floor, yeah?" Beautiful Diana asked.

"Diana, Kakuzu can't stand to be around a woman like you." Diana laughed as she took a drag on her cigarette.

"Oh, Sasori…you're such a ladykilluh…just like a modern day Humphrey Bogart, yeah." The truth was Sasori was actually a few years older than Diedara's mother, he wished she wasn't crazy about her gorgeous husband.

"Oh! my god…check this out, Hidan." Zetsu was looking at an autographed photo on the wall. It read: You'll always be the blonde toy I can never have…Love Gianni Versace.

"Deidara….when did you EVER meet Gianni Versace?" Zetsu asked.

"I've never met Gianni Versace, yeah. But I'd like to." Deidara said, his blue eyes saddening at the thought of not meeting Gianni Versace.

"Oh….my….god….then that means….." Hidan cut Kakuzu off.

"The dreamy blonde in this picture with the long hair and the face framing layers and natural highlights is none other than…..Deidara's father…the man who is responsible for transferring his DNA and producing a son…that became Deidara….seriously?" Hidan said. Zetsu shook his head yes. "God, no wonder Deidara turned out so pretty, he had good genes to work with, really." Hidan said. It was true; Deidara looked just like his beautiful Italian father. At this point, dinner was ready and Diana had removed her apron in order to be dressed more appropriately for dinner.

"I hope you boys drink White Russians, yeah." And so Diana, the intriguing mother of Deidara and Dana began to pour/mix White Russians and sit them at the table…We have the pilgrims to thank for this feast in which everyone was about to eat.

Brooklyn Translation Guide:

ya translation: you/your

dinnuh translation: dinner

fahthuh translation: father

muhthuh translation: mother

ladykilluh translation: lady-killer


	2. Chapter 2 Alcoholic Thanksgiving

"I just love White Russians, I swear I think I got pregnant with Dana over a White Russian, yeah." Deidara's mother stopped for a moment and thought about what she had said. "Actually, I got pregnant unduhneath a white Italian! Ha! Oh god, I nevuh thought of that, yeah." Deidara's mother was the master at mixing drinks, Kakuzu had finally woken up but now he was sitting at the table trembling because he was scared of Deidara's mom terribly.

"Deidara's mom is one of those 'I gave my son his first drink and his first condom' kind of moms isn't she?" Zetsu asked Sasori.

"Yes….yes she is." Sasori was in a rather dreamy state.

"Alright, you Hidan is it? I unduhstand you are the religious type, why don't you say some sorta prayer, yeah." Deidara's mother said sitting in between Deidara and Dana.

"Why, Diana I'd be honored, really." And so 10 minutes later Hidan finished his lengthy prayer that addressed EVERYTHING you could imagine.

" Alright, I made low fat cranberry salad, whole wheat rolls, steamed corn, low fat mashed potatoes, and some sorta suguh-free gelatin dessert, yeah." Deidara's mother said.

"You made all of this mom, yeah?" Deidara asked her.

"Hell, no Dana and I went to the store and bought half of it, yeah." Diana said. "I didn't wanna go to any fuss, I have a photo shoot next week and I can't have any carbs, I thought why the hell bahthuh, so the mashed potatoes are for you all, yeah….And what's wrong with yuh pale friend, yeah?" Diana was referring to Kakuzu who was trembling as he took a wheat roll out of the basket.

"Don't mind him, really. He's just a dumbass who's still trying to figure out Iwagakure and you." Hidan said rolling his eyes. Kisame wondered why Deidara's mother had prepared so much low fat, low sugar stuff and then he remembered that he was in the presence of a model….it made sense.

"Diana, tell me, what has it been like for you being a model and you know having a husband in the fashion industry?" Kisame asked.

"Kisame being in modeling is great! But I tell yuh, when you're a model….you gotta sleep with all the right people in order to get the good jobs, yeah. How do you think I met Dominik, yeah! It just so happened he was designing his scarves in the right city at the right time and he needed a model for his women's line, yeah." Diana said.

"Scarves? He designs scarves?" Zetsu asked Sasori quietly.

"Yeah, you haven't noticed all those scarves Deidara has with DS stitched into them?" Sasori asked.

"Oh, I always thought that just meant 'Deidara's Stuff'." Zetsu said.

"Nope, Dominik Savice (Sah-Vee-Chay)."

"Oooooooh." Zetsu understood everything now. Just when everyone except Zetsu thought Deidara's mother couldn't tell anything else anymore truthfully….she did…

"Oh god, let me tell you boys about how Deidara and Dana used to pull the hell outta each othuh's hair, yeah. God, it's no wonder Dominik didn't shave both those kids bald when they wuh little.

"Oh mom! Tell them about the time daddy found out that I wasn't a virgin, yeah!" Dana sparkled all over, of course it could have been because Itachi's hand was creeping higher and higher up her thigh. Diana and Deidara laughed.

"Oh! Oh geez! Oh! Okay, okay. Well, Dominik comes home from a flight and Dana's sitting in that living room ovuh there. She has this sad look on her face, like something horrible had happened. Anyway, Dominik comes in and Dana says to him daddy come sit down with me, I have to talk to you. So, Domink dropped his bags and sat down with his little girl, yeah. So Dana's about to cry and she says to him Daddy I had my first time while you were gone and it was horrible, yeah. And of course, he flips out and wants to know why it was so horrible and he's got her in his arms and she says because I had sex on the cheap sheets and it made me feel like a total whore, yeah. And oh my god! The crying, they were both crying, he felt so bad for her that it didn't happen on the good sheets, yeah."

"Is that a normal father's reaction to his daughter having sex?" Kisame whispered to Hidan.

"Hmm….I don't think that's typically how it goes. But, I'm really thinking this whole situation is anything but typical, really." Hidan said. Diana noticed the first round of White Russians had disappeared, she decided it was time to make margaritas.

"Now, I know tequila and turkey don't really mix so I'll make margaritas and keep them in the freezuh until we're ready to drink them, yeah." Diana said. Never before had any Akatsuki member had such an alcoholic thanksgiving. Deidara's mother was the most unconventional mother there ever was. They figured it would only be a matter of time before Diana ended up drunk and topless or something else moderately insane.

"Oh bettuh yet! Yuh fahthuh is going to be here in about an hour, yeah! I'll change clothes you boys clean up the kitchen and Dana you make some margaritas and yuh fahthuh's favorite…tomato basil bruchetta and a good strong pitchuh of screwdrivuhs, yeah! Oh, this is gonna be one hell of a party, yeah!" And so Diana slipped away to change clothes, Kakuzu swallowed hard, he had only recently gotten the color back in his face.

Unduhneath - underneath

Nevuh - never

Unduhstand - understand

Suguh -sugar

Bahthuh -bother

Yuh – you/your

othuh's – other's

wuh – were

ovuh – over

freezuh – freezer

bettuh – better

pitchuh – pitcher

screwdrivuhs - screwdrivers


	3. Chapter 3 Deidara's Father

Sorry for the long delay, I've been out of town for a while and I've been so busy lately. Enjoy the new chapter!

"I'm scared….Hidan I'm scared!" Kakuzu clung to Hidan.

"You're a dumbass, do you just not do well in any social situation that involves attractive women, really?" Hidan asked agitated.

"Well, it's just that…" Kakuzu was interrupted by the front door opening…it was none other than Domink Savice himself, Deidara's ultra trendy, ultra high class, ultra gorgeous father…

"Oh…my…god…." Kisame's jaw had dropped open at the sight of the thirty-something year old man who was responsible for bringing Deidara into the world. Kisame wasn't certain whether to smack him for having such a stupid son, or ask him why he smelled so good.

"Daddy!" Dana ran to the door and threw her arms around her father.

"Oh! Hi baby!" Dominik squeezed his daughter.

"Dad!" Deidara was close behind Dana. Dominik released his daughter.

"Deidara! Son, I have got to tell you; the pictures you and your friend took for that magazine shoot were gorgeous, yeah! Son, you looked amazing, yeah!"

"Oh my god dad, do you really think so, yeah?"

"Well, let's just say there are a lot of guys and girls in Italy that want to sleep with you and your dark haired friend now, yeah."

"Wow dad! That is like so….reassuring if I ever need someone to sleep with, yeah." Deidara answered. It was then that Deidara realized he needed to introduce his father to Akatsuki. He had met Itachi one other time and so he was the only one Dominik actually knew. Zetsu, Kisame, and Tobi was still trying to get over the fact that Deidara and his father looked so much alike. They realized that they were all surrounded by blondes at this point. However, just when things in the Iwagakure home couldn't get any more far out….they did. Deidara's beautiful mother emerged in her new Thanksgiving attire. Kakuzu fainted into the floor upon seeing her. She was wearing her 'little black dress' and little was quite the understatement…and the welcome home kiss she gave her husband was most definitely not for the G rated audience.

"Dominik, Dana and me made some Thanksgiving dinnuh, you want some, yeah?" Diana asked her arms hanging around her husband's neck.

"You made dinner, yeah? God, how'd you do it darling, yeah?"

"It's easy, me and Dana went to the grocery store and bought the stuff pre made…well except for that damn turkey, yeah." And so Diana began to pass around the drinks she had whipped up and carved more meat off the turkey. Now, since Sasori knew Deidara's parents better than anyone else, he immediately struck up conversation with Dominik.

"Wow! Diana! These are the best screwdrivers ever, seriously." Hidan said.

"Oh, thanks, hon. Just a little something I learned in Brooklyn, yeah." She answered. Kakuzu was still passed out in the floor and Zetsu and Kisame were looking at Diana and Dominik's wedding album, which they had found underneath one of the living room tables. Itachi had a football game on the TV, but since he didn't know shit about football and since Dana was doing some dishes the whole concept really didn't make much sense. Now, it should be made known that Sasori had already had a bit too much to drink and the next thing he said to Dominink brought a silence throughout the room…

"So Dominik, what's it like to be married to the sexiest and most sophisticated woman there is?" Sasori quickly wondered why he had asked that, he couldn't tell if Dominik were ready to kill him or if he was in deep thought. Zetsu, Kisame and Hidan were in a slight state of shock. Finally Sasori whispered to Deidara,

"Quick, Deidara….say something!" Deidara thought for a moment.

"Hey Dad! Itachi's screwing Dana, yeah! Oh god! You wouldn't believe how he can make her scream yeah, I mean it's like that time you and mom…." Deidara was cut off by Itachi.

"Deidara SHUT UP!" Itachi hissed. The truth of the matter is Dominik wasn't offended by Sasori's comments, like his son…it just took him a moment to think.

"It's wonderful being married to my wife, Sasori, yeah. She is gorgeous. And, Itachi, that's my only daughter, my princess, you be careful with her, yeah." It wasn't the typical fatherly response….but neither was Dana's.

"Oh don't worry Daddy, he knows EXACTLY what to do, yeah." Dana said wiping her hands dry of the dish water. Perhaps it was time to put the Thanksgiving alcohol away…things were starting to get a little crazy…


	4. Chapter 4 Dress Up

Well, 10 screwdrivers and 7 margaritas later, Diana was in Dominik's lap on the couch. Kakuzu was trying his hardest not to fain anymore. Kisame and Zetsu were drunk but they had themselves under control. Dana and Itachi…well let's just say Itachi was currently very thankful on the holiday of thanks…that's all about that. Hidan and Tobi were looking at Deidara's baby book….he really was a cute kid. As for Sasori he was outside having a cigarette…he seldom smoked, unless he was around Deidara's mother. Deidara was still drinking screwdrivers with his father and mother.

"Yuh know, it's been a nice Thanksgiving, yeah. I have my babies here and my husband's home for a while. We haven't had a Thanksgiving like this in a few years, yeah." Diana said.

"Hey mom remember that one Thanksgiving when we were in Cancun and those Mexican guys kept trying to get dad to drink the worm at the bottom of the tequila, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Oh god! Oh god! How could we evuh forget that, yeah!? It was hilarious!" Diana said. It had truly been a fabulous Thanksgiving. Of course no trip to Iwagakure was complete without Deidara modeling the latest fashions his father brought back form Milano.

"Okay, Deidara, you're mother and I are going to go outside and have a cigarette, you find your sister and then I want you both to model a few things for me, I brought back, yeah." Dominik said. The thought of Dominik playing dress up with his children made Kisame and Zetsu a little nervous. After all, they had seen things Dominik had dressed Dana up in on previous occasions and it was hard to believe a father would put the things on his daughter that he did. But, they figured it was best to just allow a father to bond with his children.

Dana and Itachi finally emerged from wherever they had been in the house.

"Dana, dad wants us to model some stuff he brought back before me and everyone else leaves today, yeah."

"Oh my god! I love modeling daddy's stuff, yeah!" Dana said hurrying into another room to get rid of her shoes. Diana, Dominik and Sasori had come in from their mid-Thanksgiving cigarette and Dominik opened up a huge garment bag.

"Dana, honey, go put this on and stand on my box so I can pin it, yeah." Dominik instructed his daughter. "Deidara, put this suit on, it's not my design, but I want to see how my scarf looks with it, yeah." Kisame blinked a few times….he couldn't believe what was about to happen. It was all true, this was in fact what Deidara's father did for a living…but he had always thought it was all a bizarre myth…until now. He pulled Zetsu off the couch and drug him outside before all the pinning an cursing in Italian began.

"Okay, daddy, this is falling off everywhere, yeah." Dana said holding up a dress on her that was hardly enough fabric to be a dress. And then came the first string of cursing in Italian.

"Honey, I tried to tell that asshole he made it too big, damn Paris designer, yeah! Stand on the box, I'll pin it, yeah." Deidara's mother was in the kitchen answering the 573625 questions Tobi had. Dana held the dress on her while her father stuck pins all over the place…Itachi's job was to hand him the pins.

675 pins later…"Hmmmm….I don't know honey…Deidara go get the full length mirror, yeah." Deidar ran off to get the mirror his father always used when he dressed up his children. Deidara held it up in front of Dana.

"Well, daddy…I think the pink color is gross…you know it doesn't show enough skin does it, yeah?" Dana asked. Hidan nearly chocked because the dress Dana was wearing had a 10 inch slit in the side and was practically backless and now her father was insisting that it covered too much, but what happened next did make Hidan choke…

"Itachi, do you think this dress is too conservative, yeah?" Dominik asked.

"Yeah, and Dana's right the pink is awful." Itachi said. No one seemed to notice Hidan choking, and Dominik, Dana, Deidara and Itachi were all only three feet from him.

"Oh my god! I had totally forgotten! Sasori get in here! The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is on TV!" Kisame loved the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, he taped it every year, but this year he had gotten so sidetracked with the Iwagakure visit that he had forgotten his beloved parade.

"Here I come Kisame!" Sasori yelled from the other room. Sasori loved watching the parade with Kisame. They liked to have their own float contest.

"Okay, Dana, honey, take this dress off before I throw up, it's awful I'm sending it back to that damn Paris designer and telling him his stuff is crap, yeah. Deidara get on the box, son, yeah." And so Deidara stepped up on his father's little box where he always did alterations. "Hmmm…okay….okay…Itachi, pins, yeah." Dominik ordered and he beginning stabbing Deidara with pins all over the suit jacket. "There, that fits you much better, yeah. Keep your shoulders back son; it doesn't hang properly if you don't, yeah." Dominik told him as he pulled out one of his newest scarf designs. He wrapped it around Deidara's neck and pulled his hair forward over it…He immediately wasn't pleased.

"Hold on, I have to get another cigarette, I can't think, yeah." Dominik quickly lit up another cigarette and began redesigning his son. Twenty-Five minutes later he had Deidara looking just the way he wanted. However, it was getting late and Thanksgiving was coming to a close.

"Well, Dad thanks for letting me help you out with your scarf design, yeah." Deidara said. "Now that Kisame and Sasori have gotten to see the rest of the parade, we're going to have to get back to the apartment, yeah." Everyone began to say their goodbyes.

"Diana, you will always be the woman I can never have." Sasori said hugging Deidara's mother.

"Oh Sasori! You're such a good kid, yeah!" Diana hugged him.

"Bye Daddy." Dana said throwing her arms around her father.

"Goodbye baby, and remember if Itachi does anything to every hurt you, I'll tear his balls off, yeah."

"Oh daddy, I love you, yeah!" Dana said. And so Akatsuki left Iwagakure and headed back home. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Hope you liked my conclusion chapter. Look for the next story in the holiday series: Akatsuki Christmas, coming in late November or early December!


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